Harry's Magical Parody Journey!
by Chrissy-Kookla
Summary: A full on random parodyromance fic! HarryxGinny, RonxHermione...more couples inside! Please read and review! Enjoy! :
1. The journey begins

One day Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were talking outside the library when suddenly Luna zoomed in…

"Guess what?" She screamed, "I'm pregnant!"

"Wow!" Said Hermione, "Me too!"

Ginny coughed, cleared her throat and blushed, "me three..."

"…meep?" Luna said, scratching her head, blinking cluelessly.

"So…" Hermione stretched, sneaking her arm around Ron.

"I'm supposed to do that!" He cried.

"Well….too slow!" Hermione stuck her tongue out.

"Is that an invitation?" He questioned seductively.

"Hell yeah! " And with that they disappeared.

"...Meet Itachi, peoples!" Luna dragged a guy with long black hair with crimson red eyes into view.

"HI ITACHI!" Everyone cried.

Itachi blinked.

"SAY SOMETHIN' DAMMIT! Or are you a mute?"

"Err…well you see…." Itachi stuttered.

"GUESS WHAT MY LOVE? I'M PREGNANT! And you're the father!" Luna cried joyfully.

"Wha-? WHAT?" Poor Itachi fainted while Luna did her victory dance to the 'Happy Little Vegemite' song. "Um…ok…" she said, poking Itachi's limp form. "Let's get some ice cream! My treat!"

"HELL YEAH!" Everyone but Itachi whooped.

So they all packed their bags and headed to Melbourne Airport.

First they had to get through customs where Hermione and Luna were caught with manchettes and other strange medieval Japanese weapons.

"Flight 444 to England is now boarding in gate 22…"

"S!" They cried breaking into a run….

On the plane

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Hermione ran to the toilet.

"…Me too!" Ginny ran to the other toilet.

All the guys looked at Luna expectantly.

"Let's all have sundaes with fudgie swishy swirls!" She cried triumphantly.

"Um…Ok!"

And so Luna, Ron, Harry and Itachi disappeared into the broom closet.

Hermione, Ginny exchanged 'looks'.

The broom closet suddenly swung open to reveal a secret passage.

"What the ?" Hermione tilted her head to the side, "A secret passage? LUNA!" She yelled, her voice echoed in the passage.

Luna and the guys 'crashed' out of the broom closet…with fudgie swirls .

"Come on! We've got to get to the hotel before it gets late…" Said Ginny.

"You're only saying that cos' you 'want' Harry," Luna said, nudging her.

"You've already 'had' him enough!" Cried Ginny.

"I told you we weren't doing anything!" whined Luna.

"…Right…" Hermione was glaring daggers at her.

"No, seriously! Look!" Luna opened a bag that contained sundaes. "We were just…making sundaes, right Itachi? Just for you guys!" Luna began to sweat nervously. Hermione raised her knife.

"H-hey now, think of the baby!" Cried Luna, hiding behind Itachi.

"What?" He looked at her quizzically.

"Baby my ass! You're having a baby and there you were making sundaes!" Screamed the red-faced blonde.

"I'M INNOCENT!" Screamed Luna as Hermione chased her around Itachi. He spun around and staggered to stand with swirls in his eyes.

At that moment 3 ninjas jumped through the window, grabbed Harry and Ron and jumped back out again.

"My love!" Cried Hermione and Ginny in unison.

"Where are they going?" Asked Luna, puzzled.

"You do realize that those ninjas were GIRLS, right?" Asked Itachi suddenly.

"WHAT!" Cried Hermione and Ginny in unison (again), "They touch them, they die!"

"You're pregnant." Reminded Itachi.

"So? Who cares? Let's kick some butts!" Yelled Luna.

MEANWHILE- at the ninja's lair…AKA Hogwarts!

"Who are you? Where are you taking us?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"I want to call my lawyer!" Cried Ron before pausing and adding sheepishly, "and my girlfriend…she'll kill me if I'm not back by 9…"

"SHUT UP! To answer your first question, I am the NINJA QUEEN!"

"Yeah…but who's that?" Harry asked.

She paused and pulled her mask off and swung her hair around (shampoo ad style!)

"Gasp Cho Chang!" sweat drop

"And these ladies are my loyal minions! Deanne, Sylvie and Jane!"

"I thought you said that there were only 3 ninjas…but by using my superior intelligence I can tell that there are 5!" Cried Ron.

Harry hit his forehead "4…"

"Yeah! There are 4…" Ron laughed nervously.

"AS I WAS SAYING!" Roared Cho, "As I was saying when I was RUDELY interrupted by several loud, ANNOYING sounds…we have taken you to the place where nightmares are made…HOGWARTS!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

DUH DUH DUUUUHHHHHH!

**Back in England**

"Oh my poor Harry-poos! He's all alone in the big wide world!" Wailed Ginny who was crying in the back seat of the limo Luna had hijacked.

"And my poor Ronnie-poo-kins!" Cried Hermione in dismay.

"Don't worry! We'll save them! And kick some ninja's butt!" Yelled Luna.

"Umm…I'm a ninja," Itachi said, faintly.

"Uh huh…YOU ARE?" Luna turned the wheel, everyone screamed as she turned the limo onto the train tracks and drove head on towards the train.

"I'M GONNA CRASH US INTO THE TRAIN AND KILL YOU!" She shouted cackling, "MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"LUNA! YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!" Yelled Hermione.

"So?"

"You're gonna kill the babies!" Shouted Chris.

"…But they're not born yet…."

"STILL!" They screamed.

"WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT OF LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY TO ME IF YOU HATE NINJAS?" Cried Itachi, definitely losing it.

"Um… I was drunk?" Luna said. Everyone fell with their legs sticking up (anime style)

She turned her evil eyes to a pink pony (yes…pink!) that was merrily skipping with a skipping rope. "Hey look! A pony! Let's run over it!" She turned the limo towards the pony, just as the train missed them. Everyone fainted with relief.

So, the limo followed the pink pony (which was from the Ninja Queen's lair), down the sun began to set beautifully, with Luna's evil laughter echoing.

**Meanwhile- Back in the Ninja Queen's Lair!**

"What do you want with us?" Cried Harry.

Cho smirked evilly, "I want your souls!"

Ron took off his shoes and held them out, " Take them! Take them and BE GONE!" He cried dramatically.

"Souls NOT soles!" Hissed Harry before stand in front of Ron, "Leave him- spare his soul! Take me instead!"

Cho rolled her eyes and said, "Just give me your shoes…"

"Huh?"

"SOLES! I WANT YOUR SOLES!"  
"AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!"

Meanwhile- Following the pink pony 

"Luna…is it possible NOT to kill the pony?" Asked Ginny in a small voice.

"No. It is not possible." Said Luna drooling in madness, "It needs to die…MUWHAHAHAHA!"

"I'm hungry." Admitted Hermione.

"WE'RE HAVING PONY FOR DINNER!" Yelled the mental driver as they picked up speed.

"I think he realizes," said Itachi, reading a book called, 'How to Keep Yourself Sane', "Because he's skipping faster."

"He's slowing down!" Cried Hermione.

"GOOD!" Luna drooled even more.

"He's stopped! Luna! STOP!" Screamed Ginny but she was too late.

There was a huge bump and the limo stopped. Luna got out chanting "Pony, pony, pony-YUMMY!" She dragged the carcass out and frowned.

"Wait a second…" She unmasked the mare to reveal…

DRACO MALFOY!

"S!" Luna jumped back, "What the hell are you doing in this story!"

"You're the one who put me in it!" The blonde yelled back.

"Let's hurry up and save Ronnie-poos and Harry, DAMMIT!" Yelled Hermione, jumping up and down.

"I know where they are…" said Draco suddenly.

"Then take us there the short way!" Cried Ginny.

"Why the hell should we trust you?" Said Itachi, putting his arm protectively around an oblivious Luna because Draco was eyeing her with interest.

"WHO CARES?" Screamed Luna impatiently, "JUST TAKE US THERE!"

"Will do!" Draco winked, Itachi scowled and the girls cheered.

Meanwhile-Ninja's lair 

"We will never give you our soles!" Shouted Harry heroically as Ron fell asleep.

"Ron, WAKE UP!"

YEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" A limo crashed in.

Luna leapt out, looking angry and excited. Ginny and Hermione leapt out concerned and worried. Itachi was…asleep in the limo.

"Sorry we were late, Ronnie-poos!" Cried Hermione.

Luna was busy making faces at Cho, who was too busy filing her nails to notice.  
"YOU WANT A SOLE? I'LL GIVE YOU A SOLE!" Yelled Luna, chucking her shoe at Cho's head.

Cho's face burned with rage, "That's it! I've had enough! I will banish you and your friends to a place where nobody ever goes in and nobody ever goes out!"

"Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory! OH YEAH!" Screamed a hysterical Ginny, breaking away from Harry's embrace.

"But that doesn't make sense…" Hermione muttered, "How do we get in if 'nobody ever goes in?'

"Do you think I'm STUPID? Do I LOOK STUPID?" Bellowed Cho.

"Well…" Said Luna smirking evilly, "as a matter of fact…yes."

Do…do…I …do I really?" Cho was shattered. "WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? I BANISH YOU TO WONDERLAND!"

"Wonderland?"

BANG! 

"AGRH!"

"Whoa!" Cried Luna " Look at all the PRETTY COLOURS!"


	2. Happy Land!

_Hello People! Sorry about the first chappy, i wasn't sure how to edit it so it's a bit weird...Anyway, this chapter is quite short cos' i'm starting school tomorrow so i can't write too much, Sorry, please keep reviewing so i can improve my writing ! -Keep on smiling! - Chrissy Tenshi _

**NOTE: This is the result of a fold over story i completed with xXxreixXx...**

They were floating around in a vortex full of pretty colours.

"Oh Harry! Hold me tight, I'm frightened!" Ginny sobbed.

"Do not be frightened my love! For I shall protect you!" And so the two lovers kissed passionately…

"Oh Hermione!" Cried Ron hopefully, "Hold me tight! I'm frightened!"

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" Hermione glared daggers at him.

"Meep!"

BANG!

Luna opened her eyes…

"Where the friggin' hell am I?" She grumbled.

"What do you know, Cho was or is stupid…this isn't Wonderland!" Exclaimed Harry.

"It's…it's…(gasp)…it's HAPPY LAND!" Gasped Ginny, hugging Harry tightly.

"AW! I wanted to go to Wonderland!" Sobbed Ron, tearfully, hugging a grungy looking Hermione.

"Get the hell off me. Act like a proper teen, not a toddler!" She glared at him. He shrank.

"Hey look! Bunnies!" Cooed Ginny.

Luna blinked. And again, And again.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Luna! What's wrong?" Yelled Hermione, over the scream.

"I'M SCARED! WAHHHHHHH!"

"Why are you scared? They're just cute little pink and blue bunnies with fluffy tail and huge eyes…" Said Ginny, puzzled.

"THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM SCARY! WAHHHHHHHHH!"

Tears flooded Luna's eyes as she squatted down, hugging her knees and sobbing.

"I WANT ITACHI! WHY ISN'T HE ALWAYS AROUND WHEN I WANT HIM TO BE?" She wailed.

"Oh Loony, There, there…" Ron THUMPED her on the head and ended up being kicked 5 meters away by an angry Hermione.

"DON'T HURT MY FRIEND LIKE THAT!" She screamed, thunderously. "It's okay Luna, Itachi will come…well he'd better anyway."

Hermione hugged her, making a silent vow to break Itachi's legs if he didn't get here soon.

"Look! That big pink one likes you!" Exclaimed Ginny. Luna stared at the 'thing', which blinked its big blue eyes…

"AARRGGHH!"

"LUNA!"

"LOONY!"

"LUNA GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE!"

Luna ran down the grassy hills, trying to get away from the 'evil creatures' as fast as possible. She hid behind a bush, which held the nest of baby bunnies…

"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I'm tired." Whined Ron.

"We only started to walk 5 minutes ago." Said Ginny.

" Yeah, but you and Hermione are being piggy-backed by us." Harry snorted.

"It's not like I wanted it!" Defended Hermione.

"Yeah, whatever-hey, look! It's Winky and Dobby!" Cried Ginny suddenly.

"Greetings." Said one of the Dobby politely.

"Yeah, you come in peace, yeah, yeah- HAVE YOU SEEN A OUR HEIGHT…sort of…WITH BLONDE HAIR?" Cried Ron, jumping up and down.

"No," said Winky. "But we saw a guy much taller than you with black hair-"

"THAT ITACHI BASTARD!" Everyone yelled.

"Well, it's not that we hate him…" Said Hermione.

"He is pretty handsome…" Ron admitted, "for Loony of course…" He added quickly.

"But he seems to have forgotten about her…" Said Harry, scratching his head.

"The poor thing…Luna…" Ginny sighed.

"But he was calling out her name," Said Dobby, puzzled.

"Oh! How romantic!" Said Hermione sarcastically.

"Oh! How romantic!" Cried Ginny dramatically.

"Meep?" Said Harry and Ron.

Hermione groaned, "Great, now we have to search for both of them!"

**To be continued…**


	3. Evil Creatures of Happyland

_Hello people! This chappy is short again, cos' i've started school, but i hope you enjoy! please review! -Chrissy Tenshi _

Luna was sitting up on a tree branch drinking from a coconut with a straw, humming to herself and swinging her feet.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU FOUL BEINGS!" She yelled and threw the coconut at the bunny's head. It died instantly. Grinning maliciously with satisfaction she picked out another coconut and a straw in it.

"I thought you hated coconuts." Said Itachi from below.

"AGRH! I SAID STAY AWAY FROM ME DAMMIT!" Luna threw the coconut which bonked Itachi's head.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"Itachi?" Exclaimed Luna.

"You realize NOW?" He grumbled rubbing his head.

"I thought Draco-baby killed you!"

Itachi froze "DRACO-BABY? He didn't kill me...before I could kill HIM, this Cho girl hijacked him and banished me here- WTF is DRACO- BABY, YOU TWO-TIMING BITCH?" He shouted, upset.

"I wanted to see how you'd take it." Luna called, oblivious to the dangerous aura surrounding them.

"I come all this way to find you and this is what I get?" He said angrily, "I suppose you're going to say 'Draky-Poo' next?" He stomped his foot.

SQUISH

He looked down, seeing that he had stomped on a bunny's head. Itachi paled, Luna gasped.

"Er...I didn't mean to-" He spluttered.

"OH ITACHI! YOU KILLED IT! YOU'RE MY HERO!" Cried Luna leaping into his startled arms and nuzzling her face against his neck. "ARIGATO!"

"What about Draco?" Itachi asked faintly.

"What? Oh, Draco's cute!" Itachi stiffened. Luna grinned. "ONLY cute, but you're HOT!" And so they kissed, oblivious to the surrounding bunnies watching happily and tearfully, wiping their eyes with each other's fluffy tails.

**MEANWHILE**

"So…what now?" The sun was setting.

"We die," Hermione grumbled.

"We sleep," yawned Harry.

"We eat!" Ron yelled.

"We could tell stories…" Ginny said hopefully.

"We could roast MARSHMALLOWS!" Cried Ron

"Yeah!" Cried Everyone.

**TO BE CONTINUED>>>**


	4. Weddings and Rampaging Monkeys?

_Hello earthlings...Thanks for the reviews! Keep em' coming! Enjoy...- Chrissy Tenshi_

**Thirty minutes later…**

"Hermione…I see dead people…" Whispered Ron.

"Yeah? Well I see dead Itachi," grumbled Hermione, "it's his fault that we're in this position…" Everyone was stuck in quick sand.

"I thought this place was Happy Land! Not 'Danger Land!'" Cried Ginny, clutching onto Harry for dear life.

"We'd better not move." Said Harry wisely.

"YEEHAH!"

"I know that 'yeehah' from anywhere!" Exclaimed Ron, "LOONY!"

"That's my name y'all!" Luna appeared, looking cheerful as she swung 'Tarzan Style' on a vine. Itachi tumbled into her. "OW! You idiot!" She yelled.

"It wasn't my idea to swing on the bloody vines," he said, glaring at her.

"Great…I have a crazy husband-to-be." Luna sighed irritably.

"Husband-to-be?" Everyone yelped.

"Her idea"

"His idea." Both Itachi and Luna said in unison.

"That gives me an idea!" Said Ron, "Hermione-"

"OF COURSE RONNIE-POO!"

"Ginny-"

"YES HARRY-POO!" Cried Ginny. Dobby and Winky grinned.

"We're already married." Said Winky.

"Congratz…Wow! You guys proposed in quick sand." Said Luna laughing, "Now how the hell do we get you out of there?"

"We could just leave them there…" Said Itachi.

"Great idea!"

"LUNA!"  
"Just joking!"

**(After freeing everyone from the quick sand)**

"Come my love! Let us be wed by sunset!" Cried Harry to a hysterical, hyperventilating Ginny.

"But it's night…" Hermione pointed out.

"Ok, SUNRISE then…happy now?"

"Oh Harry!" Sighed Ginny breathlessly, "How romantic! It will be just perfect!" And so she fainted into his arms dramatically. Luna and Hermione made gagging noises.

"Well, if we're gonna get married, we need dresses!" Cried Luna. "Let us go SHOPPING!"

So Ginny, Hermione and Luna (and Winky) went on a mystical journey to Highpoint.

"Hello ladies, may I help you? Asked Lavender as they walked into Syndicate.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Asked Luna.

"I own this joint!" So Lavender picked out the girls' dresses for them and they tried them on in the change rooms. Luna stepped out dramatically…

"I am NOT wearing THIS!" She said dangerously.

"…It looks cute!" Cried Lavender.

"…it's…it's a…" Winky was lost for words.

"IT'S A FRIGGIN' BUNNY COSTUME!" Luna screamed, "I'm choosing my OWN dress." She stormed off in a peeved mood.

Hermione stepped out in a ball gown.

"Too classic!" She whined. Lavender beamed nervously and gave her a new dress to try.

Once Hermione disappeared Ginny came out shyly.

"Umm…I don't think…" She said, going pink, like the TUTU she was wearing. Lavender gulped.

"I'm gonna get fired with all these complaints…" She cried. Luna came in with a satisfied look.

"I decided to wear a nice white kimono with red sakura all over it!" She grinned, her grin faded at the sight of Ginny and Hermione.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN OUR WEDDING DAY?" She screamed, chasing Lavender with a pair of scissors.

**5 minutes later…**

The girls were all dressed up in their chosen clothes. Luna was wearing a white kimono with red sakura all over it and a decorative bangle and sakura in her hair, whilst Ginny was was proudly wearing an elegant purple dress with pretty sparkly thingies and a silver tiara in her hair. Hermione was wearing a LITTLE red dress that had a split down the front ALL the way to her naval (ie-dress from Brownlowes) she also wore a beautiful necklace with matching earrings (which Ron stole for her).

Meanwhile Harry, Ron and Itachi decided to celebrate their last day of freedom at 'XXX'… 

"Oh my head…" mumbled Itachi, who had a head-splitting hangover. He opened his eyes and found himself in a Jacuzzi with…Cho!

"Oh my love! You are finally awake!" She sighed deeply and pulled him closer.

"Your what?" Cried Itachi, "What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were the 'Ninja Queen.'"

"Well… I decided to quit being a Ninja Queen cos' I got tired of banishing people to wonderland and I wanted to get revenge on Luna cos' she said I looked stupid, so here I am, your new wife!"

"WHAT THE FUCK! Oh shit! Luna's gonna kill me!" Itachi tried to climb out but then realized that he was naked! And so was Cho! And so was Ron- who had been sitting there all this time but I hadn't bothered to mention him till now!

Cho had married both Itachi and Ron and had taken them on a honeymoon to the latest nudist camp- Rampaging Monkey Land! DUH DUH DUHHHHH!

_(Rampaging monkey land is home to the terrifying rampaging monkey himself! It was once Flying Hippo Land but the rampaging monkeys decided that it was a perfect spot for their brand new nudist camp- it is now known as "The place where Rampaging monkeys run free together forever!")_

All of a sudden the sky went dark and ominous clouds gathered above their heads.

"Oh! " Cried Ron excitedly "Look at all the PRETTY COLOURS! HEE HEE HEEEEE!"

"Oh No!" Cried a terrified Cho, "I forgot…it's the 10th of October."

"What does that mean?" Itachi asked, not sure whether he actually wanted to know the answer.

"It means…it means…that…that today is…today is Monday!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"We have to find Harry, before it's too late!"

Wedding day 

"Where the fuck is Ron?" Growled Hermione.

"Where the fuck is Itachi?" Luna fiddled with her sleeves. Harry gulped. Ginny shuffled her feet.

"POST MAN!" Sang the postman "Here!" He 'poofed' when Luna snatched the letter. Her jaw dropped.

"_Dear Luna and Hermione,_

_I have taken your husbands to be and married them myself. We are now on our honey moon in Rampaging Monkey Land._

_Cho Chang (AKA-Ex Ninja Queen)"_

Hermione burst into tears, Ginny gasped, Harry fainted, Dobby and Winky coughed and Luna had a dark aura radiating from her.

"That bitch…that bastard…" Luna sieved

"Itachi didn't do anything." Said a confused Ginny.

"That's the point! Did Itachi defend himself! NO! Right! That Cho, ex Ninja Queen eh? She's gonna get it from the ex-Hidden Ninja!" She ran out and came back, still in her kimono but with a katana attached to her waist. "You and Harry get married" she said to Ginny, she cracked her knuckles and grinned sadistically, "Cho's gonna learn a GOOD lesson…"

"I'm coming too!" Said Hermione, 'She took my Ronnie-poos, DAMMIT!"

"We're not getting married separately," Ginny said stubbornly. Daniel blinked.

"We're not?" He asked sulkily.

"Not until they get their husbands-to-be back!"

**To be continued...**


	5. The Weddingwellnot really

_Hey there! Thanks for the reviews everyone! Sorry, this is another short chappy cos' I've got too much homework:( Next chapter will be longer...i promise...-Chrissy Tenshi _

**Split Second Later**

"Cho Chang!" Luna kicked the door down. Cho snapped her head up, Ron fell off his chair and Itachi paled. Luna cracked her knuckles. She lept at her and kicked her into the wall.

"Wait!" Cried Hermione, "I want to finish her off!" She ran to the groaning Cho and whacked her with a saucepan. Cho died instantly.

"Ronnie Poo!" Cried Hermione.

"Mione-kins!" Cried Ron. They embraced.

"Luna…" Itachi approached Luna cautiously.

"…"

"Luna, I-"

WHAM.

Luna punched Itachi and sent him flying through two walls.

"Let's go!" She said cheerfully to the stunned people in the room, "I feel much better now."

"But…" Ron held up the marriage certificate signed by Cho, Ron and Itachi. Ron thought it was a contract for everlasting candy, so he signed it. Itachi was forced to with threatening from Cho. Luna snatched it and burned it.

"Happy? LET'S GO!"

**FINALLY- The Wedding**

Harry, Ron and Itachi were all standing near the alter, eagerly awaiting true love's first kiss. Ron was eating jelly babies, Itachi was desperately trying to memorise his vows while Harry had cold feet. Neville- the best man was trying to give them all moral support.

"Neville," Harry whispered, "my…my feet…they're so…so cold!"

"Well you should have worn socks then!" Ron declared, grinning widely with bits of jelly babies stuck in his teeth.

Harry ignored him, "But what if she's not THE ONE?"

"Well…" Neville began awkwardly.

"Well then you're screwed!" Ron cried cheerfully-now eating one of those love-heart lollipops. Neville smacked him on the back of the head.

"Well, you see Harry…when you love someone and you get that warm and fuzzy feeling whenever they're around and when you feel the touch of their hand you feel like you're weightless and it was meant to be!"

"That's what I feel like when you're around!" Ron said looking at Neville with love-hearts in his eyes.

All of a sudden Winky came flying in with Dobby at her heels.

"They're gone!" She cried dramatically before fainting into Dobby's arms.

"Who?" Asked Itachi.

"Luna, Ginny and Hermione!" Cried Dobby before fainting into the priest's arms.

"POST-MAN!" Sang the post-man…again. He gave a letter to Itachi, it read:

_Dear Harry and Ron,_

_I am The Rampaging Monkey! FEAR ME! I am the local resident of 'Rampaging Monkey Land' which was once 'Flying Hippo Land' but it is now the latest nudist camp…anyway…My name's Mr Bongo and I like pina-coladas and getting caught in the rain. Call me NOW!_

_Love Rampaging Monkey xxx_

_P.S Did I mention that I am holding Hermione and Ginny for ransom? HAHAHAHAAAAAA!_

Itachi gasped in shock, Harry put his head in his hands and Ron burped.

"But if Hermione and Ginny are being held for ransom, then where's Luna?" Itachi said.

"HERE I AM!" Luna cried running down the aisle with chocolate in her arms, "they were going for half price and I just couldn't help myself and…they're YUMMY!"

"Oh! My love! I was so worried!" Cried Itachi running to Luna and embracing her passionately.

WHAM!

Luna punched him and he hit the wall.

"You're crushing my chockies!" She cried in dismay.

"What are we going to do? Asked Harry looking at Luna with his handsome emerald eyes.

"Umm….LET US EAT ZA CHOCOLATE!"

So they all ate the half-price chocolate.

"So…what do we do now?" Asked Ron, wiping chocolate stains from his mouth with his tie.

"CHICKEN!" Shouted Luna and so they all did the chicken dance (The ol' fashioned way!) for 30 seconds.

"Now what?" Asked Neville.

"Take your partner by the hand!" Itachi sang, pulling Luna closer.

"But we don't have partners!" Cried Harry and Ron in unison.

"TAKE YOUR PARTNER BY THE HAND!" Luna threatened, giving them a 'death glare'.

"But what about Hermione and Ginny?"

"It's on my 'to-do list, ok?"

**To be continued...**


	6. YAY! IT'S THE WEDDING OF THE YEAR!

_Hello Folks- Sorry I haven't updated in some time...hope you enjoy..._

_-Chrissy-Tenshi _

"Don't worry, Luna and our loves will come!" Whispered Ginny hopefully. Hermione muttered something about chocolate.

"Even if they do they'll never escape the traps I've set!" Cried the Evil Moose.

CRASH!

Luna walked in with a katana in her hand. "Sorry…I was eating chocolate and saving you wasn't on my to-do-list so Daniel wrote it on the list so…we came. Well…I came…" She said in a hurry, feeling sick with all the half price chocolate she had digested.

"How the hell did you get here?" Roared the Evil Moose.

"Ummm…internet?"

"Where's Ronnie?" Cried Hermione.

"Where's Harry?" Cried Ginny.

"Umm…somewhere back there…I gave them the 'All-Seeing Eye' so they could get through the maze that the Evil Moose made! Actually it's a tennis ball with an eye I drew artistically- but what the heck." Luna grinned.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"RELEASE MY FRIENDS DAMMIT!" Yelled Luna, aiming her katana at the moose, "YOU MESS WITH THEM, YOU MESS WITH ME!" And with that she let out a tribal war cry and charged forward. The moose made a 'moo' sound-

"WAIT!" Screamed Hermione.

**Music Stops**

"That's a cow noise you idiot!"

"Oops…" The moose grinned sheepishly (like a sheep).

"Do it properly please!" Called Ginny, "ACTION!"

**Music starts**

"MWOAHHH!" The moose charged forward with his stick and ….fell over and died.

"Yahoo!" Cried Luna. She released her friends just as Harry, Ron, Itachi, Dobby and Winky came in dizzily.

What happened to you?" Cried Ginny, hugging her Harry.

"Got lost in the maze…" Said IHarry glaring at Luna, "Your 'ALL seeing eye' doesn't work!"

"I know, we should sue ACME- it was one of their products…" Luna lied proudly.

"My head hurts…" mumbled Ron., Itachi smashed the ball on my head cos of his temper…"

"Really?" Said Hermione, softly "Here honey, Let me kiss it better" she stood on her tippy toes and kissed his temple. "Better?"

Ron nodded, dazed.

**FINALLy SAYING THEIR VOWS**

"I…uh…crap…what's my name again?" Asked Ron, his mouthful of gummy bears.

"It's Ronniette" Said Luna sarcastically

"Have you got amnesia? Asked the priest.

"Do I?...I forgot..." Said Ron. Hermione hit her forehead.

"Well if you won't say your vows then I will!" Said Harry. Ginny wiped a tear from her eye., "Ummm...errr...crap..."

"And your name's Harriet" said Hermione sarcastically.

They all looked at poor Itachi who swallowed and tried to say his vows,

"erm..."

"There isn't a girl's name for Itachi, is there?" Luna said thoughtfully.

"There's Itachiette?" Suggested Hermione.

"Itachina?"

"WTF!" Yelped Itachi.

"DON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE PRIEST YOU NINKEN-POOP!" Yelled Luna.

"Argh, WTF" muttered the priest, "I pronounce you husbands and wives. And now i quit!" He stormed off.

Ginny burst into tears.

"Why are you crying, my love?" Harry asked soothingly, cradling her in his arms.

"Because...because I want this momemnt to last forever!" She sobbed and so the two lovers kissed passionately.

Ron stared at Harry and Ginny in awe before turning to Hermione, Sooo..." he said shyly, "how bout' it?" Hermnione giggled and blushed and pulled him closer...

Itachi looked at Luna eagerly...

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" She threatened. Itachi gave her a shattered, defeated look and sadly turned away.

"Oh! Fine, Come here!" She grabbed him in a big bear hug and smooched him.

All three couples frolicked their way out of the church where random people were throwing confetti into the air joyfully.

"MY EYES! IT BURNS!" Screamed Ron.

"It's only confetti..." Hermione rolled her eyes.

**RECEPTION (DUN DUN DUH!)**

"Let us cut the cake!" Cried Hermione and Rupert. The couples crowded around the table.

"Wait! I need to get the camera!" Harry raced off.

"I need to go to the toilet!" Ron raced off.

"Umm..I need...to...go..yeah. Bye!" Itahi raced off.

Luna and Hermione growled and chased after their beloveds. Ginny gave a little cough. Then...the wedding cake exploded all over the poor newly wed. She screamed as the Phantom of the Opera appeared.

"Hello my love!" He cried "Let us go!"

"NOOO! WAIT!" Screamed Ginny as he grabbed her and disappeared, just as Luna and Hermione had dragged back Itachi, Ron and Harry with his camera. They stared at the cake.

"Uhh...what?" Asked Luna.

"MY BELOVED!" Cried Harry, pointing to the crystal tiara Ginny had been wearing, which was situated amongst the cream, icing and other various decorations, "She's been KIDNAPPED!"

DUN DUN DUHHH

**To be continued...**

_Please read and review! I'll update ASAP:)_


	7. Another kidnapping?

**_Hey Peoples! Here's another update, PLEASE read and review! I would really appreciate it! _**

**_-Chrissy-Tenshi_**

**Ginny had been kidnapped!**

Really? Cos' I ain' doing anymore rescuing." Said Luna stubbornly.

"But-" began Harry.

"NO!" Yelled Luna. Everyone gave her puffy eyes. Luna glanced at the splattered cake, "it was the Phantom of the Opera" she said, flatly.

"How do you know?" Asked Winky, surprised.

"Just a guess, but I know he lives in Antarctica."

Harry screamed. Like a girl. Literally.

"SHUT UP!" Roared Hermione and Itachi.

"My poor beloved!" sobbed Harry, "All alone in the cold…" Ron hugged him. Like a girl. Literally.

"Luna, please, just one more time?" Dobby pleaded.

"If it's once, it's 1000 times." Said Luna, "and anyway….i can't fight anymore- 'm pregnant, remember?"

"YOU AND I KNOW THAT IT WAS JUST A JOKE TO SCARE THE GUYS!" Screamed Hermione.

"Oh, thanks a lot" grumbled Luna, "Itachi, you're a ninja. You do it."

"What? Why me?" Asked Itachi, dismayed.

"Because!"

"Why!"

"BECAUSE, DAMMIT!"

**MEANWHILE**

"Please let me go!" Cried Ginny.

"Relax will ya, I'm not gonna kill ya" said the Phantom reassuringly.

"Really?" Asked Ginny, relieved.

"I'm gonna rape ya"

Ginny paled and screamed.

**MEANWHILE**

"I hope this map is right !" Said Ron reading it UPSIDE-DOWN.

"Yup, Luna said it was the short cut!" Harry said. Itachi mumbled something about Luna being a number 1 liar.

"It's so cold!" Ron wheezed. Hermione hugged him, "hmm, that's better…"

"I don't see why Luna couldn't come" Said Harry, freezing his toes off. Itahi mumbled something about watching TV.

"Hey look! It's the igloo Luna described." Said Hermione. They all stepped forward and fell into a hole, "SHE DIDN'T SAY ANTHING ABOUT TRAPS!" (Actually it was on the map but it was written in '.5' writing.)

After falling into the pits and getting lost in the mazes they finally found Ginny- doing a chicken dance in a bunny-stripper costume.

Ginny gasped in embarrassment, Harry fainted, Ron burped, Hermione covered her eyes, Itachi burst out laughing and Dobby and Winky turned around.

The Phantom smirked. "Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well….."

"Well?" Said Ron, confused.

"Yeah, well- WTF are YOU doing here?" The Phantom demanded at Itachi.

"You know each other?" Asked Hermione, shocked.

"He's the one person Luna loathes" said Itachi wearily, " And is-"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STOLE MY BELOVED!" Roared Harry and the Phantom. Harry at the Phantom. The Phantom at Itachi.

"Oh, just shut up and die already," Said an irritable voice. Luna karate chopped the Phantom's head and he died instantly.

"LOONY!" Everyone cried, "We thought you weren't coming!"

" I was bored." She shrugged, giving Ginny some warm clothes.

"How did you get here?" Asked Hermione as Harry and Ginny embraced each other.

"Ummm…internet?"

"Internet?"

"OK, OK, I have to tell you guys something that I should have told you a very long time ago…I'm a witch!" Luna declared.

"Cool!" Cried Itachi, hugging his love proudly.

"So…" Ron started curiously, "so…do you know how to apparate?"

"Of course! I'm the genius who invented it!"

"Really?" Said Ron, eyes widening in awe.

"Not really!"

"Oh"

Hermione hit him over the head, "You idiot! We're all witches and wizards!"

"Really?"

Hermione stamped her foot in frustration.

**Awkward silence**

crickets chirping

Suddenly a scarecrow came bouncing out of no-where, grabbed Luna and Ron and bounced away before disappearing with a flash.

"RON! TOU'D BETTER GET BACK HERE OR ELSE, or else, or else…I'll cry!" Hermione cried, bursting into tears. Ginny patted her back sympathetically.

"LOONY-POOS!" Screamed Itachi, looking up to the heavens dramatically, "NOOOOO!"

"She's not dead!" Cried Harry, looking rather alarmed.

"MY POOR LITTLE RONNIE POOS! He's been kidnapped by an evil scarecrow with a turnip for a head! Oh what horrors will he have to face?" Hermione bawled.

"Turnp head?" Ginny asked.

Hermione sniffed and nodded, "I hate turnips!"

**To be continued...**

_Please review! Everyone's advice is much appreciated!_


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